Five minute Friday- week 2 (for me). “Notice”
“Watch me, Mom!” calls my 3-year old as she gingerly climbs the mini-swing set in the backyard. And can I ever relate. When I left teaching to enter this amazing and less-than-glamorous world of mothering and staying home each day with my children, little did I know how much I had grown used to being noticed and praised for my work. Both in Japan as a highly esteemed “sensei”, and in America where elementary teachers find great reward in the appreciation of children and their parents, I rarely found myself in a deficit of attention. A little over three years ago, my world shifted, and the two little ones who now receive the mainstay of my efforts can focus mainly on articulating their own needs. And my heart cries out, “Notice me!” The one person who can speak into this vast well of need for attention is self-admittedly “not a words guy”. And yet, he intentionally and generously offers words of encouragement regularly. But the vast well of my heart wants more. I know that the Shepherd of my heart is calling to this very place deep within, and yet I hesitate to follow, and I wonder- can He really lead me to the place of not wanting?
When I read Surprised by Motherhood by Lisa-Jo Baker, I laughed, cried, and felt understood as a mother and as a woman amazed by the love God continues to pour into my life. In her book she mentioned “Five Minute Fridays”, and this is my first attempt to join in the writing community. Thank you Lisa-Jo for opening up your life on paper, and to Kate Montaug for carrying on the tradition for someone late to the party.
So here’s my first 5 minute attempt while my 1 year old napped, my 3 year old colored and the timer ticked.
Still feels so distant to my present reality most of the time. I long for stillness, especially at 5am when my 1 year old thinks its time to wake up, or at 5pm when my littles need so much and let me know so loudly and the to-do list only has 1 thing scratched off for the day. Still. The word even hangs on the tip of my tongue inviting me to pause, inviting me into quiet. As the season ramps up for Thanksgiving and Christmas, stillness can be hard to find. There is so much to do. So much I WANT to do. So much busy that I choose. And yet. And yet, my heart needs quiet and pause and stillness. A Sabbath rest. Still waters. On the days when I manage to wake up before the kids, and come quietly downstairs to the table where most of our life happens a stillness awaits. If I can only remember to come.